Meet Richard

I’m finally back from Africa!!!! This post will be extremely short because I still haven’t processed everything God laid out in my heart while I was away, but once He gives me that peace…..I will share EVERYTHING with you. What I do want to share right now is a few pictures of my brother (the word “sponsor child” is no longer in my vocabulary).

This is Richard and he has changed my life in so many ways. He loves soccer (he attended his first Zambian soccer match this past weekend. It was a World Cup qualifier!), drawing, and playing with his friends (his best friend is Paul). His dream is to become an artist. His faith in the Lord blows me away. If he could see one thing in America…it would be the ocean. His prayer requests include strength to finish his education (he is in grade 8), for his relationship with God to grow more and more every single day, and prayers that his younger sister (who also attends Lifesong) succeeds in school and in life. He is full of joy, he is a very strong Godly young man, and this gem taught me so much in just a few days. The most important lesson I learned: I am rich in faith. Thank you Richard for helping me grow in the most beautiful way ever. I’m always carrying you in my heart.

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First day at the school and I’m finally reunited!!!!!

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This is Luke…Richard’s other brother (sponsor)…also in charge of the strawberry fields at Lifesong.

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He thought it was hilarious that a vegetarian was helping cook the sausage.

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The hardest goodbye of my life.

 

Where you invest your love, you invest your life

As I sit here and finish packing the rest of my things, I am reflecting on so much. These past two days have been so emotional. I cry over everything. I’ll save this for another post, but this second time around is completely different. It’s extremely emotional…and I’ll keep you posted as to why I’m feeling this way a bit later (good post while I’m on the plane). As I said goodbye to my boss yesterday, my heart wanted to explode. All week, I have been receiving so much love through texts, emails, FB posts, personal gifts, letters, phone calls, and hugs (many many many hugs). It’s times like these when I just fall to my knees and continue to surrender everything I have to God. He’s the reason I am so blessed with people like you. I wouldn’t be this fortunate without Him by my side. I want to personally thank every single soul who contributed to my mission trip. I also want to express my gratitude to those who have been constantly praying for me…and for my team.

To my coworkers: You guys are my rock. You understand me when I am at my lowest. You are the only people I can vent to when my soul is heavy due to the work we carry on our hearts EVERY SINGLE DAY. Thank you for believing in me. I have never felt more at home.

To my friends: I wouldn’t be where I am today without you guys. Through tears and laughter, God has pulled us closer and closer together.

To my Twitter followers: Yes! It sounds crazy! I have had a special person donate to me from Twitter this year (and last year)…and I’ve never met him! However, he believes in me that much. Do you know how that makes me feel!?!??! Thank you guys so much for the sweet words of encouragement. @omgitsjaneth appreciates it very much : )

To my family: Oh man, here come the tears. To every family member who donated, THANK YOU! My parents have a heart of gold…..these two have given me so much. I thank God for allowing me to have two wonderful and loving parents in my life. Yesterday my dad made me take a picture of him and his parrots and he said, “Make sure you show the kids these pictures.” HAHAHA. I’m still laughing about it! And to my two little brothers…who probably wonder why I would ever want to travel to a third world country…I know deep down…they care ALOT. Love you brudders.

To my church: Last Sunday was gut wrenching. Everyone gathered around our team and prayed over us. My sweet friend, Shawnna, was strong enough to personally pray for me. Talk about putting your heart in a blender….that’s exactly what it felt like!!!! Thank you to everyone who has allowed me to be a part of this community.

To my man: Let me share something. God will never give you anything you cannot handle. Around this time last year, I was going through very tough moments. I lost people, but my sweet Lord knew exactly what He was doing. He wanted me to make Him #1 in my life…..and when I did….He blessed me with an incredible Godly man. Thank you so much for supporting me in everything I do. I have never felt more loved.

My heart is just exploding right now. I have to start getting ready because I leave in a few hours. Our first stop is London!!!! We will have enough time to tour and then we will leave for Lusaka, Zambia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don’t think I will ever have the words to thank every single one of you for everything you have done. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing me the opportunity to share my love for Jesus Christ with the orphans of Africa. I have never felt more alive.

“Keep the earth below my feet.. from my sweat, my blood runs weak…Let me learn from where I have been…Keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn.” 

Mumford and Sons

Photo on 6-4-13 at 2.17 PM

Here comes the bride!

This weekend was extremely busy! My friend Lizzy is getting married this month!!! The bachelorette party weekend started off with a personal photo shoot at the hotel followed by epic noms at Chipotle (yes…it is an obsession even in my friend circle). Later, some of us attended a pole dancing class. Who knew dancing on a pole could leave you crawling on the floor the next morning? I’m still sore!!!! After a few glasses of wine and champagne, we all gathered at the hotel to watch our friend open up her lingerie. Then, we hit the town! We ate some yummy sushi (edamame for me. whomp), walked over to a few bars, and ended the night back at the hotel (which reminded me of a loft in New York…super modern!). We are all ecstatic to see our beautiful friend walk down the aisle. Congrats Lizzy!!!!!

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Sweet Kait

Friends from UNT! (Kelsey, Steph, Hannah, Kait)

Friends from UNT! (Kelsey, Steph, Hannah, Kait)

Lizzy and Mandy at the pole class :)

Lizzy and Mandy at the pole class :)

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My rock : )

I mean...look at her!

I mean…look at her!

A feeling of gratitude

This morning one of my coworkers made a generous donation to my trip. I can’t help but get on my knees and thank God for everything He has provided in these past few days. Please continue to pray for my wonderful team as we leave in 4 days. FOUR DAYS!

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Where do we begin?

Yesterday morning I sat in a meeting with my coworkers while we discussed the upcoming events at our agency. Later, I was fortunate enough to hear one of them talk about her volunteer experience in Moore, Oklahoma. She shared about the broken homes she witnessed, the remains of family belongings, and the team she was able to be a part of. In my mind I kept thinking, “How overwhelming was that?! Where do you even begin???” She said that as soon as she arrived…her first thought wasn’t “where do I begin?” Instead, she walked up to a home and started helping a group pick up bricks. I couldn’t help but feel so blessed to be around a woman like that.

How could you not feel overwhelmed after any kind of disaster? You’re one person. ONE. However, after immersing myself in the Gospel….I want to share with you what I have learned about feeling overwhelmed.

The first thing I had to realize was this: Injustice, poverty, disaster, hunger, trafficking, etc. are all going to occur. Some of us are going to pretend the world is fine. Others will skip straight to the sports/entertainment section in the newspaper and ignore the current events. There are times I find myself exiting off the Yahoo page because I’m sick of seeing so much hurt on earth. Just because my world is fine…doesn’t mean my neighbors are doing well. “We must face the brutal facts about poverty and injustice-only then can we take the first steps to respond.” (The Hole in Our Gospel)

The magnitude of the problems facing these people can be so overwhelming that it makes us think, “This is too much…I’m moving on with my own life.” Bob Pierce (founder of World Vision) once said, “Don’t fail to do something just because you can’t do everything.” These are incredible words. Find your own passion and take the first baby steps towards changing a life. Remember…it only takes one tiny tap to knock down a whole row of dominoes. Richard Stearns reminds us of three main principles we must remember when we begin to feel a sense of an overwhelming heart:

1. Everyone of these hurting people is created in God’s imagine and loved by Him.

2. Every one of these challenges has a solution.

3. Every one of us can make a difference.

When we begin to see these “disasters/problems” as human beings instead of “issues that need solutions,” the world will experience His grace. I’ll leave you with one last thing I read in Stearns book:

“God says that we are guilty if we allow people to remain deprived when we have the means to help them. It is our moral duty to help our neighbors in need. We cannot look at their situation and simply say, ‘Not my problem.’ Neither can we sit smugly in our comfortable bubbles and claim no responsibility for the disadvantaged in our world. God did not leave us that option.”

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Past, Present, & Future Reads

I haven’t always been a book worm. I actually hated reading when I was in school. I think the only book I actually enjoyed in high school was The Great Gatsby. Oh wait…and The Outsiders. Other than that, reading was never a huge priority (I hate admitting that!). That’s definitely not the case anymore. A few of my friends have given me suggestions on what to be reading as I continue my walk of faith with God.

The book I just finished reading is The Hole in Our Gospel: What Does God Expect of Us? The Answer That Changed My Life and Might Just Change the World by Richard Stearns (yes….that’s an extremely long title). Let me tell you……if you want your mind blown…read it. I wish I could describe how powerful it is, but I would be here for days. I think reading this book before I leave for Africa was the best decision I have made in months. It definitely refueled my heart. He does a great job of “getting in our face” about the enormity of the world’s poverty issue and what we can do about it without feeling so overwhelmed. It truly helped my faith grow. Thank you Natalie for recommending it : )

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Now…I am currently reading Out Live Your Life by Max Lucado. This was actually a recommendation at the end of Richard Stearns book. Why not, right? I’m still on the first few chapters, but I can already tell that it is going to be very powerful. Everyone was made to make a difference in this world…don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

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My future read is a book called Dangerous Surrender by Kay Warren. A good friend of mine, Rachel, suggested I read this before I leave for Africa. She spent a summer in Haiti serving for Mission of Hope. I told her last night that I was going to read the book while I was in Zambia…and she promised me that I wouldn’t want to return….but….maybe that’s what I need in my life. I need a strong hunger for the Lord. I look forward to reading this one simply because I know how much it stirred Rachel’s heart and I cannot wait to see what future plans God has in store for me.

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Colorado Madness

I’m finally on vacation in beautiful Colorado. It’s nice to get away from everything every once in a while…but I am getting home sick! We came up for a wedding and it was a very lovely moment for the entire family. We celebrated my cousin’s 21st (I should get the babysitter award….seriously), gathered with family I hadn’t seen in years, and ate more beans and rice than you could ever imagine.

Happy 21st to my sweet cousin!

Happy 21st to my sweet cousin!

Wedding time!!!

Wedding time!!!

My wittle brudder! He's growing up so fast!!!!!!!

My wittle brudder! He’s growing up so fast!!!!!!!

Beautiful ceremony. Congrats!

Beautiful ceremony. Congrats!

I refused to throw rice and kill the birds...so we chose bubbles : )

I refused to throw rice and kill the birds…so we chose bubbles : )

In awe of God's beauty. The mountains looked amazing.

In awe of God’s beauty. The mountains looked amazing.

And incredible cousins are graduating this year! Big things are happening. Thank you Lord!

My incredible cousins are graduating this year! Big things are happening. Thank you Lord!

Trafficked

Last night, I had the opportunity to go on a ride along with a group of volunteers for a nonprofit organization who advocates for human trafficking/domestic violence victims. I started volunteering in early March because I had this strong desire to learn more about sex trafficking in my area. I’ve always known that modern day slavery (because that’s really what it is) was happening, but I was more informed about it happening overseas.

I became familiar with the Lord’s Resistance Army in college. The organization, Invisible Children, visited my campus my junior year…and from then on…I’ve had a burning passion for the children who have been abducted. Here is a short summary from HumanTrafficking.Org describing the LRA:

“The Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA) – a rebel group fighting the government of Uganda – is estimated to have abducted over 60,000 Ugandan children and youth. Within the war-affected region of northern Uganda, the LRA has abducted one in three male adolescents and one in six female adolescents. While in captivity, thousands of abducted women and girls – most of whom are from the Acholi and Langi peoples - fought, cooked, carried supplies, fetched water, and cleaned for LRA fighters and commanders, including those who organized and carried out their abductions. Many of those abducted also served as forced wives to male members of the group, with half of them bearing children to their captor husbands.”

Ok….well all of this is happening in other third world countries…right? The answer is NO. It’s happening in my own city (children as young as 12). It’s happening right under our noses, but why can’t we see it? Human trafficking could possibly be one of the least understood crimes in our nation. It is a hidden and secretive crime. I am incredibly blessed to work with an agency that provides me with so much training on these issues, but is everyone receiving these trainings? Again, the answer is no. Not all law enforcement units are as trained to recognize trafficking. Often, they see a woman on the street and immediately view the victims as a criminal. There are so many challenges our government, child agencies, school and justice system are facing. I could go on and on about all the aspects of human trafficking, but you’d be here for days. I honestly just want to share my experience with you today because it was one that opened my eyes beyond what I thought I already knew.

A private investigator for the organization led our tour. She took us around some tracks, the streets the women and men walk, and we parked the van in a parking lot. She took us in the evening when there was still some light outside so we could get a clear view of the areas. At one point, we noticed a very large male on the phone walking alongside a woman. They stopped at a rundown gas station and I noticed the woman had her head down the entire time. The PI explained that this pimp was probably “starting”his first client for the night. We learned that a taco restaurant in parts of this town really isn’t a taco shop (law enforcement refers to these as “breastaurants”). Women are being sold in restaurants and convenient stores. I even saw a kid with a woman outside the door of a small dance bar. He was about 5.

We drove around more tracks and ended up at two very disgusting motels. That’s probably the best word I can use. There were a few cars in the parking lot and we were informed that illegal sex acts were probably going down in these rooms. We even saw a man walking up to a car who appeared to be making some sort of exchange. The PI told us it was probably a drug deal. I’m not going to lie….I was terrified beyond believe knowing I was in this part of town. Imagine the women who walk the streets…alone. Many questions were raised, but in the end we concluded that everyone can play a role in all of this, but it has to be done together. Parliamentarians passing laws to stop this crime, private companies need to make sure that this supply chain is not tainted by the blood of the modern slaves, every day people like you and I to raise awareness and protect these victims, and government officials to ratify the anti-trafficking protocol and implement it.

We passed through the gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender area of the city. This was around 10PM. Many men stood in the streets. We even drove through the wealthy parts of the city. Yes, this happens in affluent cities as well. Here, we learned that a lot of labor trafficking occurs. Nannies and housekeepers are treated like property. The PI showed us parks where rich business men meet women in the bathrooms. Later, we passed through a very hidden street in the city. The street was filled with small buildings with large neon signs. The lights illuminated our path as we slowly drove through. We learned that the buildings were spas and massage parlors. We parked at the end of the street as we watched a man walk out the back  door and proceeded to get into his BMW. I WAS WATCHING THIS HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE. It was all so surreal. Our tour ended at a common strip club in the area. We watched men walk in and out of the club, but we never knew what was really going on inside.

We had long discussions about the night towards the end. I think the best part about my experience was knowing how passionate the other volunteers were about this issue. Networking is something I have learned to do while in this field. Every bit of knowledge I learn is absorbed in one way or another. The last thing I want to do is sound super cheesy in this post, but under a common banner, we have a large chance of controlling this crime and reaching out to those who are suffering.

As soon as I got home, I opened up the book I’m reading (The Hole in Our Gospel) and read these selections over and over again:

“Sometimes I would like to ask God why He allows poverty, suffering, and injustice when He could do something about it.” “Well, why didn’t you ask Him?” “Because I’m afraid He would ask me the same questions.”

“We must face the brutal facts about poverty and injustice-only then can we take the first steps to respond.”

“We must never see poverty or justice as “issues” that need solutions; rather we must see the human beings as the heart of those issues as people who need and deserve our love and respect…and when enough people choose to do this, even a crisis on a global scale can change.”

The Holy Spirit communicated with me last night….and I look forward to seeing what plans He has in store for me.

not for sale

Don’t Forget to Pack Your Heart

It has been almost one year since I returned from Zambia. I’ve been spending a lot of time with God since I came back to the states. A few of my thoughts can be found here (Blog 1 & Blog 2) about the many transformations He made in my life a few weeks after coming home.

So, how can one prepare to have their heart stirred….again? It’s been a very emotional process for me because it’s hard not to think about the “what ifs.”

What if the second time will be even more emotional for me?

What if the children do not remember us?

What if God is paving a completely different road for me in life…one that I just don’t want to be on?

What if I don’t raise enough money to pay off my trip?

What if I come back and I’m even more broken than the first time?

What if I don’t want to come back?

What if I’m not enough?

And after realizing how many questions I had on my mind….it hit me: Spiritual warfare has begun. I was reminded of this:

Eph 6:12 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

The deceitful one would like nothing more than to render us as useless and ineffective. These spiritual attacks have allowed me to see that I am able to do nothing under my own strength….that God is the only One who can do everything for me. I can’t even describe how I feel knowing that He is glorified when I cry out to Him.

Spiritual preparation has been on my mind for the past few months. I’ve been constantly praying every morning…asking God for guidance, humility, to help me develop a heart for the people and the work, clarity, courage, and strength. Prayer has been my source of power and peace. It is also by far the most important way of support so I kindly ask that you continue to pray over our team as we head to Africa in less than three weeks.

I will never be the same person again. I was able to see the world as it is…pain, hurt, broken homes, poverty, the aching hearts. I have been called to tell others about my faith and how Jesus Christ is working in my life. There are times when I sit back and think, “I’m not really sure if I should go again….am I truly ready?” These thoughts belong to Satan. I am currently reading The Hole in Our Gospel (recommended by my friend Natalie, who is also joining us this year! Follow her journey!). Richard Stearns describes how he once heard someone tell him, “God does not call the equipped; He equips the called.” Everyone possesses something God can use…it’s a matter of whether we will offer what we have to Him.

I continue to pray that God prepares my heart for this journey. I’m asking that He reveals His desires for my trip and to help me see through His eyes and understand His heart. Visiting a third world country can be very overwhelming. How can one person meet the needs of these people? It’s simple. Jesus is the only one who can truly provide and fortunately…He has turned my compassion into action. I have a friend who spent her summers in Haiti and she recommended I read Dangerous Surrender by Kay Warren while I am in Zambia. I read the first few pages and immediately knew reading this book while serving overseas was just another way to intensify my relationship with the Lord. Thank you sweet Rachel.  I started to journal again to keep track of my growth. It’s amazing to go back and read my own words and notice the changes in just one year. I read a few excerpts from last year’s trip and I blogged about it not too long ago, but I will share again:

June 10, 2012-On our way to Kitwe While waiting on our bus, a group of boys were surrounding us. They were barefoot and several of them were holding empty coke bottles. Then, I noticed two of them were holding cigarettes, but they weren’t lit. Mitzi told us they were “night walkers.” She then proceeded to tell us that the bottles of coke were actually filled with gas fumes. Lizzy told me the gas fumes numbed them from their hunger. Mitzi continued and said it was like a “high” for them. She then told us that Lifesong School has a leader who goes out on Friday nights to talk to these children. Most of them have ran away from home or are orphans. It hit me today…that I am in Africa. Today, I saw the pain behind these children’s eyes. They’re helpless with no one to help them. Lord, why? What can I do? Why am I here? Mitzi said the leader will often “adopt” these children into Lifesong if they’re accepting of the education they will receive. It is often up to them. I sat there and cried..in a hysterical, but quiet way. My heart is absolutely broken right now. This isn’t a heart break I’ve ever felt before. God, please use me. Their face..their hands pressed up against mine on the glass window….the youngest boy blowing kisses at me..I can’t get it out of my head. Lord, I am Yours to lead and to serve.

As I sit here and reflect on all the journaling from last year’s trip, I can’t help but feel…delighted….anxious…but also broken. I used to think that feeling broken was an awful thing until I started reading this book. Stearns says, “And yet God uses broken and imperfect people to challenge and inspire others. He utilizes our mistakes and our victories to shine a light on the path, so that others might follow.” It’s clear as day that this little message is God tugging away at my heart. I’m ready to see beyond our world again.

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